I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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