If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
