I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
