...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
