god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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