Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
