i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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