never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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