i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Randomize
