no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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