What did we do last night that was yellow?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
