As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
