I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
