did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
