Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Randomize
