My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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