You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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