I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
