she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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