I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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