Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Pants are for mortals
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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