I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
