you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
