So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I love you.
Bad choice
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
