I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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