matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
