Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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