Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
