I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
