theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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