Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
