What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
