look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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