somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
