Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
