so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
