i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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