no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You smell like stripper and shame
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
