I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
