we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
