I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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