"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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