when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize