New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
