DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
