Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Actions speak louder than pants.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
