Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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