dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
