Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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