saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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