I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
