my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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