Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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