I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
