I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
