im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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