yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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