I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
