Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
