Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
