I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
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My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
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Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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