hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
