I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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