we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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