Don't make out with my wife yet
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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