mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
