this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize